i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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