I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
this boner is exhausting
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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