fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
