I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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