Can i not drive my cunt home
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
