He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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