Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
