Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
