I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Please don't give away my fajitas
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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