I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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