i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
