there's paper in my vomit.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
