is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
