I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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