She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
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just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
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I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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