But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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