Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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