i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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