just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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