nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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