apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
then he tried to convert me to islam
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
