i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
