We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
