And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
