My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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