Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I touched a dick in church today
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
