yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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