who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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