You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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