what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
