Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
