i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
