OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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