He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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