i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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