and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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