This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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