the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
