there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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