too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
