I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
