I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize