You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
