So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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