I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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