So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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