In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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