my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
