do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
