Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
