I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Someone shattered a urinal.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
