Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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