Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
