I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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