Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
