the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
