I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
