I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
