Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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