are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
