Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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