She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
