Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
