Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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