Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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