Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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