I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
