what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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