Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
