I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
