apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
