So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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