they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
this just has baby written all over it
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
