I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
