she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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