too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
