I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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