be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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